Note: Today I was at Tedx Talks in Yerevan. As always, it was a day full of inspiration, fresh ideas and extraordinary people. Some of the speeches were about life changing experiences, happiness and courage. They made me recall my own relatively recent experience. I realized that I never shared it in my own blog. The only time I addressed the topic was when I wrote a my guest post at Simpler Life Today a while ago. So under the Tedx impressions I thought that it is worth re-posting the story in this blog too. Here it is:
Working for multinational telecom company had become my main goal and one fine day I was actually hired.
When I got my dream job my life made completely new twist.
Our company was launching in new country, which meant that everything was completely crazy, extremely stressed and terribly fast.
I faced a big challenge and was entirely absorbed by the job, which kind of eliminated all other aspects of my life.
Paying high price for the achievement
I was coming home when my son had to go to bed. I had no time for my husband since I continued working from home and often worked on weekends.
The mobile phone had become my enemy since it had 50 daily incoming calls and about 25 outgoing ones. It rang untill almost midnight and annoyed me and my family.
I had become a zombie, who did not enjoy life because life passed her by. But as all zombies, I was brainwashed and thought that it was temporary and soon things would get better.
Knowing that it’s time to quit
The first time I signed my resignation was when my son hugged me late in the evening when I came home, started weeping and asked me to ”tell the boss that you are out”.
The resignation brought forward promises the most important out of which was ‘‘hiring someone to share my workload”
I signed my second resignation when almost a year passed from the first one and there was even no vacancy announcement for that ”someone”.
By that time the stress and frequent nervous situations made me take herbal pills, which helped in the beginning and not that much after that.
Finding out what you do not want anymore
Finally that long-waited ”someone” was hired and it seemed that I got back to the more-less balanced life.
But something had happened inside me meanwhile and the dream job became just a job, the enthusiasm left me and there was no motivation anymore.
I felt that my expectations were killed and I had nothing to look forward to. My week mornings were tough just from the thought that I had to go to work. My office hours were boring just because I knew that whether the project is completed well or not did not matter anymore and I always had the feeling that I should do something else instead.
My life values and the job were no longer compatible. Maybe it was because deep inside I felt that this job had no value anymore. The corporate job cannibalized everything I wanted to do with my life. It left no time for my personal life and simple life pleasures. And what is more important it killed my dreams.
My creative and independent nature was waking up and making me feel trapped. I longed for freedom. There was a strong desire to follow my passion and to invest all the time and energy to what I love as opposed to the prosperity of a breathless brand.
Can’t tell why exactly, but back then I felt that I had no choice. I thought that it would be irresponsible to give up the financial income. To me the move would be demonstration of egoism. I felt miserable and depressed knowing that things most probably won’t change. In short, I was existing and not living anymore.
Listening to the inner voice
But no matter what my inner voice was talking to me all the time. It told that ”there is a choice”, that I had to ”follow my dreams”, that ”being egoistic is ok sometimes” and that ”we have only one life to live”.
It took me quite a while to hear my inner voice which told that I should have listened to my son and quitted with the first resignation.
It took long time to realize what I would I like to do with my life but it took much more to get the courage and make the first step.
Finally I signed the third resignation.
Getting happiness through change
After 3 years I finally became free.
The most important thing the job taught me was appreciating the free time and the simple things in life. Maybe I would not be happy if I did not have that job, because it somehow led me to where I am now.
Now I can do what I like most – write. Now I do not have to hurry, I don’t feel guilty switching off my mobile and I don’t stress out (well, maybe I do in very rare occasions).
I notice small nice things in the street, I have a smile and music for my mornings, and I know how it feels to have a happy family.
I read, learn and grow now – both spiritually and emotionally. I feel complete and am in balance with myself.
I’m back to the kitchen, back to the gym, back to my blog and back to all those nice things, which are still going to happen…
Now I am together with the inspiration, the muse, the creativity and the freedom – making new plans, creating new writings and chasing new dreams.
Remembering what’s important
Before setting goals make sure that it’s what you really want. Don’t ignore your inner voice and listen to yourself. When things get too bad it will whisper to you the only right answer.